A good portion of what I do in my practice is helping parents with disciplining their children in challenging, yet supportive ways. Navigating this delicate balance is a struggle for all us who are parents and probably one of the most difficult endeavors we encounter in our lifetime. Our children don’t come with a manual; we have to learn how to parent along the way as they grow up. I tell my clients that I actually went to school to learn about positive discipline and effective behavior management! Parents try many strategies to enhance their children’s functioning, such as loss of privileges, yelling, and lengthy (and often circular) discussions about appropriate behaviors, to no avail. Because of these common battles among families, I outlined below what I have observed and experienced to be the most effective strategies for experiencing parenting satisfaction, childhood success, and peace in the home. These strategies can be applied to children and adolescents at any age.

1. NEVER make parental decisions based on guilt or fear. Become conscious of this emotional unconscious process and do not project these emotions onto your child. Such decisions are never healthy or effective ones.
2. NEVER yell, lecture, nag, criticize, ridicule, laugh, judge, call names, or express anger, or engage in verbal fighting with your child when disciplining him/her. These parental interactions tend to inadvertently reinforce the negative behaviors of the child due to the attention they provide and subsequently promote a self-fulfilling prophecy of acting out as a “bad” person. Let your child have the last word as you demonstrate self-control and stability when you remain calm and quiet, which allows your child to mirror this healthy behavior over time. Verbally reinforce positive behaviors that you would like to see from your child on a consistent basis. Parental interactions should be based on hope, empathy, encouragement for adaptive change, and overall positivity.
3. Behavior management of child’s problems should NOT be the center of the family discussion. Learn how to talk with your child about other things in life, such as politics, television shows, sports, activities, etc. By doing so, they learn how to have positive communication and expand their mind rather than simply experiencing negative communication and/or fear and anxiety.
4. Establish 3 to 4 straightforward house rules for the child to follow. Creating these simple rules will create a clear expectation of the behaviors necessary to receive privileges and will include other behaviors that are dependent on such rules. Examples of rules:
   • Earn A’s and B’s in classes (inherent in this rule is the child being responsible for his/her own schoolwork without parent involvement unless he/she asks for help with reviewing for a test or reading over a paper)
   • Complete Household Chores
   • Wake Up and Get Ready for School on Your Own
   • Talk Nicely & Be Respectful to Authority Figures (Parents, Teachers, Etc.)
5. Your child can earn privileges as long as these rules are followed, without verbal prompts or reminders by parent. Taking away of privileges should be implemented for a specific period of time (based on age) consistently for lack of following one of the aforementioned rules NEVER give in or give up on the consequence. NEVER discuss consequence after it is implemented. It is done and not open for negotiation.

Most importantly, have fun with your children! Make special time, laugh with them, and enjoy who they are! Take time to listen to them without “fixing” them, just listen and respond with compassion and empathy for their current state of mind. Hang out with them just to be with them. You don’t always need to talk. You can watch television and movies, read books, cook, or garden together, or schedule time for walks, going to restaurants, and other various activities. Tell them how important they are and how much you love them every day (no matter how old they are). Give them hugs and kisses throughout the day and make them feel loved. Create positive and happy memories for them; not upsetting ones…